Saturday, December 28, 2013 12:44 AM
REFLECTIONS
As
2013 comes to a close, it calls for a reflection on the past one year of ups
and downs.
Looking
back on the eventful year:
·
My first full
year of work.
·
New friendships
forged.
·
Old friendships
lost.
·
First cycling
trip to Ubin.
·
First Japanese
Summer Matsuri
·
First trip to
Hongkong
·
First trip to
Australia
·
Went to S.E.A.
Aquarium twice
·
Attended second
wedding
·
First resignation
of a team colleague
·
First time in a
long time that I felt that I didn’t have much friends
·
Started cooking
on weekends
·
Started French
lessons
·
First Singapore
Health & Biomedical Congress
·
NHG’s moving to
Nexus@One-North
·
Phantom of the
Opera Musical
·
First Disneyland
visit
·
Had my first
niece
·
First
physiotherapy sessions
·
Started attending
church regularly
·
Dad got
retrenched (Not really a bad thing)
·
First Valentines’
Day in office and not a school
·
First public
protest – Hong Lim Park : Save Singapore, Say No to 6.9Million
·
Not-the-first-time
thinking that I found someone, but didn’t end up together. Not sure if I was
just severely deluded.
·
Started meeting
most friends less than 4 times a year
Can’t remember much more
so I shall stop here for the day. New Year resolutions should come next but I’ll
leave that to another day.
For now, I shall just
lament on an ever-repeating occurrence to me.
I spent a large portion
of my life making the dear ones I love happy, regardless of gender. But again
and again, life never fails to let me know that no matter how much I do, I do
not get reciprocated in the same way and amount. All I wanted was to find
someone whom I could see put in some effort to do something for my sake. I can safely
say that no one on this Earth would even bother to take leave to celebrate my
birthday with me, even if I asked for it. Who would bother wasting a day just
to make me happy right? And others, they don’t even bother asking me out when I
don’t ask them out. It has come to the extent that I am just happy that anyone
would even initiate a meet-up (anyone, other than one-shall-not-be-named). I
wonder if it’s just me. Am I just so insignificant to my dear friends for me to
be able to fade out of their lives? Did I seem too desperate during those days
that I initiated every meet-up? Or did they really take for granted that I
would always be the initiator? Why does this also
applies to someone as well? What the hell are you guys waiting for?
Or maybe, I’m just simply
replaceable, just another friend, expendable.
P.S. The above does not
apply to Milos, for I know that they have stood and will continue standing by
me through the many seasons.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Tuesday, December 10, 2013 9:36 PM
Fought with myself for the past one week. I couldn't get it straight. I couldn't understand why things can't happen the way I though it should, the way things happen to others. I wondered how long I had to wait.
Let leak my emotions online. I thought by doing the extremes I could psycho myself that it's all over, that I wasn't actually waiting, that I could take a chill pill and put a full stop to everything. But who am I kidding?
Now I'm just sitting here, seeing signs of your subtle replies in some medium or another, hoping that I am just thinking too much about it and that they aren't things that you actually wanted to tell me. Afraid of losing what I have, or more like losing what I don't.
Scared, to the core.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Friday, October 18, 2013 8:49 PM
I don't understand how it can be so wired in me to make time for others when they can't be bothered to do the same for me. Yea, it's probably that I ain't as important to them as they are to me.
Sometimes I wished I wasn't such a people's person.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Tuesday, July 16, 2013 11:10 PM
They will never be able to understand how it's like to be fighting a war for a chance that every single individual is supposed to be entitled to, thinking that you will win some day but that day never comes.
It takes two hands to clap. But right now, I'm just reaching out into emptiness.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Friday, July 12, 2013 10:09 PM
One year ago, I was wearing my mortar board board and graduation robe, waiting patiently for my turn to get my scroll from the unidentified but dignified looking old man on the stage. One year on, I scrolling through my Facebook feed looking at my friends graduation photos and reminiscing the past.
We really only get one chance for everything we do. Moments come and go. Cherish and live in the moment, before it turns into a memory. We can mimic what has been done before, but we can never get back the exact feeling of that moment in time.
It has always been my secret wish that someone dear would give me a graduation bear on my graduation day. But at las, it never came true. I could fairly well get one for myself, but the feeling ain't there. I could ask someone to get for me, but it would be meaningless. And so the day came and went. I didn't get anything at all, let alone a bear and that chance will never come again. It seems silly now that I'm still thinking about it.
On another note, I'm having the urge to run away again. To run away from facing potential disaster. Yes, it may be good. But what if it doesn't? I admit my cowardice when it comes to such stuff. I want change, yet I'm afraid of it. For once, it seems nice to be alone.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Wednesday, July 10, 2013 10:49 PM
This Saturday. A jumble of many conflicting emotions.
Happy. That I can have the chance to see you in flesh and blood soon.
Scared. That things may not turn out to at least be what I least expect.
Lost. That I have no idea what to expect.
Apprehensive. That what were words may come true.
Anxious. To find out what will happen.
Confused. About what I really hope will happen.
Hopeful. That it will move on.
Contented. With the current status quo.
Fearful. Of the possibility that it may go downhill.
And many more that I can't find the words to describe.
But to sum it all, u.n.c.e.r.t.a.i.n. in all ways.
Make it or break it. Only time can tell.
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
Sunday, June 16, 2013 9:55 PM
Got inspired to do a bucket list of my own after reading a friend's post. Let me see...
1. Kayaking in the Norwegian Fjords
2. Strolling down the Grand Canal in Venice
3. Visiting the Louvre Museum
4. Photoshoot at the Eiffel
5. Playing in the fields of green in Matamata (Hobbiton)
6. Dress up in Harajuku
7. Making snow angels in Hokkaido
8. Disney-ing in Florida
9. Watching the Northern Lights in Finland
10. Flying in a chopper across the Grand Canyon
11. Eating seafood in Sydney
12. Building sand castles in Redang
13. Watching Broadway in New York
14. Lying on the green fields in Switzerland
15. Yelling into the Niagara Falls
16. Snorkeling in Maldives
17. Watching the sunset/sunrise at Stonehenge
18. Sunbathing on Bora-bora Island
19. Photographing The Vatican in Rome
20. Trekking through Yellowstone National Park
21. Picnic-ing at the Versailles Castle
22. Viewing the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany
23. Visiting the Reims Cathedral in France
24. Road trip to the Uluru Ayers Rock in Aussie
25. Strolling down the streets in Prague
26. Driving through the Golden Gate Bridge
27. Visiting the Smithsonian
30. Lunch-ing at Oia, Greece
The world is so big, I'm just so insignificant. There's so much to see and do before I die. And I want to share all that I see, hear, experience with the others as well. So take my hand and let's go see the world!
♥ Walking on,
my own dusty road
